I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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