Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Randomize
