She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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