best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
