It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
