I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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