It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
