Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm sobbing to NWA
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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