In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Someone came in the potted fern
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
