one two three fourrrrnication!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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