Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
