Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
