Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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