I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I CAN MOONWALK!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
