check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
