I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
