i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The Olympian is in my bed
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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