Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
