but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
