I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
