11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
