thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
