so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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