she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
