He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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