roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
