Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
