U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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