I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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