ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
