Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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