so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
