so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
