I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
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Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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