Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
