ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
