I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
