He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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