hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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