And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
