Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
