I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I forget how to act sober
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