Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
