the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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