the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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