I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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