census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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