I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
