That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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