Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
