Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
