I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
