he shaved USA in his pubs
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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