I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
