guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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