you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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