FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
