This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
