your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
FUCK WHALES
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