I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
